numbers 13:33:: "... and we became like grasshoppers in our own sight, and so we were in their sight."
the Israelites were comparatively grasshoppers [small compared to who they were spying out], but a large - very large - component was missing in their fearful estimation. no matter their size, this was God's promise to them. meaning, it was theirs. it was going to happen. they just needed to do the thing. and that was to go!
yet, i read this, and immediate conviction sets in:: "i'm a grasshopper!" i know and believe in what God has called me to do, but i see what i have to do to get there, and all i can see are giants. being exactly like the Israelites, completely forgetting His promises, i shut down. but then, He so graciously persists and reminds me - "never will I leave you. do not be afraid or tremble at them. I go with you. I will not fail you or forsake you. I go ahead of you. do not fear or be dismayed. be strong and courageous." [deuteronomy 31] so with Him in front of me, i go and begin to do the thing. and He moves...
perhaps, if we would stop whining. stop complaining. stop trying to get ahead of God, but rather, kept our eyes fixed on Him - the author and perfecter of our faith [hebrews 12:2] - not looking to the right or the left [proverbs 4:27], we would be able to courageously move past the "giants" we face in our lives and radically chase after Him.
this season, God is showing me how He calls us to the impossibles in our life. and He's changing me to confidently praise Him in that. because in the impossible in my life, He receives the most glory.
the grasshopper mentality is no more. the God in whom i serve, is beyond mighty - and He goes before me. before us. we follow Him. He empowers us. strengthens us. and makes us bold. so here goes to losing it all, to follow after Him - completely.
i get in my car to go do something beyond me. these are the lyrics to what immediately begins playing on the radio...
Never got anywhere
By running away
Never learned anything
Without anything
without a mistake
Never loved anyone
By playing it safe
It's a long way, but
I'm right here now, so...
Here goes nothing,
Here goes everything
Gotta reach for something
or you'll fall for anything
Take a breath,
Take a step,
What comes next
God only knows
But here goes
I don't wanna turn around
and wonder what happened
Never lost and never found
Are one and the same
I wanna run across the battle lines
And take my chances
Not the long way 'round
When I'm here right now
Here goes nothing,
Here goes everything
Gotta reach for something
or you'll fall for anything
Take a breath,
Take a step,
What comes next
God only knows
But here goes
divine timing.
heaven forbid, forty years pass by and i find myself sitting in the comforts of this life, but with a deep regret and realization of not jumping into a life of God's promises..........
31 July, 2010
05 July, 2010
an end. a beginning.
it all began last august, standing outside the grove in l.a. - what i thought was initially intended for the conversation, God would use months later to radically change my life...
might i start off with a brief synopsis of who i was. a snob. incredibly selfish and caught up in possessions and wealth, i'm pretty sure i didn't learn the definition of compassion and sacrifice until age 18. at 17 years old, i began college with dreams of being a fashion marketer in nyc. and then a boy came into my life. pathetic as it to say that, it was this boy that would re-introduced me to Christ and would later become the catalyst that caused me to chase hard into the arms of Christ.
seven years later, i'm not quite sure i remember any of that young girl. so confident in herself, yet so insecure; merely chasing after the wind. from then, i've come to know a Saviour who walks me through this life. who restores and heals all the broken bits of me. who guides me in truth. guides me in wisdom. who calls me out of my comfort zone. who empowers me to forgive, when i have no desire to forgive. who calls me to actively show love and compassion, and changes me in such a way that i might be able to. He's captured my heart. all i can do now, is give Him back my life...
that conversation, standing outside the grove:: that is what was used to find me here, doing something crazy. chasing after a God, who's called me up. called me out. now, beginning to raise financial support so that i might be used - by God - for His glory - to plant churches [to unreached people] in the middle east. i have no idea what this looks like. any of it. the support raising. the church planting. the middle east. it is all incredibly unknown. and because of that, God has had to change me [through a very progressive and painful process] from dreading the unknown, to being terribly excited for the unknown [it's amazing what God can do, when you finally choose to submit and surrender, which must occur daily for my stubborn-self, might i add].
the past 11 months has been quite the journey; i shall entitle it, "dying to self" [it has been painfully humbling to see what control i think i have and much i know in planning my own life]. He brought me to the end of myself, so that i might begin to live this life through Him and for Him.
:: i invite you to join me in this next season... what that means or looks like, i haven't a clue... God has this miraculous and beautiful way of unfolding a life.
might i start off with a brief synopsis of who i was. a snob. incredibly selfish and caught up in possessions and wealth, i'm pretty sure i didn't learn the definition of compassion and sacrifice until age 18. at 17 years old, i began college with dreams of being a fashion marketer in nyc. and then a boy came into my life. pathetic as it to say that, it was this boy that would re-introduced me to Christ and would later become the catalyst that caused me to chase hard into the arms of Christ.
seven years later, i'm not quite sure i remember any of that young girl. so confident in herself, yet so insecure; merely chasing after the wind. from then, i've come to know a Saviour who walks me through this life. who restores and heals all the broken bits of me. who guides me in truth. guides me in wisdom. who calls me out of my comfort zone. who empowers me to forgive, when i have no desire to forgive. who calls me to actively show love and compassion, and changes me in such a way that i might be able to. He's captured my heart. all i can do now, is give Him back my life...
that conversation, standing outside the grove:: that is what was used to find me here, doing something crazy. chasing after a God, who's called me up. called me out. now, beginning to raise financial support so that i might be used - by God - for His glory - to plant churches [to unreached people] in the middle east. i have no idea what this looks like. any of it. the support raising. the church planting. the middle east. it is all incredibly unknown. and because of that, God has had to change me [through a very progressive and painful process] from dreading the unknown, to being terribly excited for the unknown [it's amazing what God can do, when you finally choose to submit and surrender, which must occur daily for my stubborn-self, might i add].
the past 11 months has been quite the journey; i shall entitle it, "dying to self" [it has been painfully humbling to see what control i think i have and much i know in planning my own life]. He brought me to the end of myself, so that i might begin to live this life through Him and for Him.
:: i invite you to join me in this next season... what that means or looks like, i haven't a clue... God has this miraculous and beautiful way of unfolding a life.
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